The season of giving is here! It’s my favorite time of year, the time when even people who don’t feel quite up to it do their level best to put on a happy face, say hello, merry Christmas and happy holidays. It’s also a time for people to give.
They give gifts, money and even time. But sometimes there is one very special gift that is missing, and it’s perhaps the hardest gift of all to provide.
It was 1940 and Nazi Germany was on the warpath. Poland, Denmark, Norway, Belgium, the Netherlands, Luxembourg and France had fallen to blitzkrieg. England was surely next. A large part of England’s forces were facing certain annihilation at Dunkirk and many political leaders in Britain were considering conditional surrender to Germany.
And then, seemingly out of nowhere, the people of Britain decided to fight and never surrender. How did they know they could do this, seemingly against all odds? Winston Churchill told them. And kept telling them. And they believed.
“You ask, what is our policy? I will say: It is to wage war, by sea, land and air, with all our might and with all the strength that God can give us; to wage war against a monstrous tyranny, never surpassed in the dark and lamentable catalog of human crime. That is our policy. You ask, what is our aim? I can answer in one word: Victory. Victory at all costs — victory in spite of all terror — victory, however long and hard the road may be, for without victory there is no survival.”
What was Churchill’s gift? Honesty.
Not everybody loved his gift of honesty at the time, mind you. But, over 80 years later, it was this gift that may have literally saved the free world from Adolf Hitler and his quest for world domination.
It seems odd now to think that England would not have stood up and fought the German war machine. But that is exactly the road they were on until Churchill told his people the truth, until he was honest about his intentions. With this truth, the people of England were able to make a decision. They could decide to stand up or give up. They could make this very clear decision because there was no ambiguity in the message sent to them. Churchill was not working on hope that the people of England would summon a courage that seems so foreign today. He was not assuming the people of England would stand up against all odds.
No, he simply told them the truth about what he expected. He was honest and sent a hard message: Victory at all costs, however long and hard the road may be. Then he let the people of England, and ultimately the people of the free world, decide how they would respond to his honesty. And respond they did.
“How does Errol go from the gift of giving during the holidays to Adolf Hitler and World War II?” you may be asking yourself.
Easy. To make a point. Using military analogies is a great tool because they are so clear and leave no room for ambiguity. If you are not clear in combat, if you are not honest and to the point, you suffer one of three unacceptable consequences: mission failure, injury or death.
So, my message this holiday season is to give the gift of honesty. It is perhaps the hardest gift to give because of the compassion and courage that it requires. To give the gift of honesty requires thought and reflection because how honesty is delivered matters as well.
Honesty is a gift that cannot simply be put on a shelf and be forgotten about. It will stick and it will have consequences. The consequences of honesty may be good or bad, but they will rarely be indifferent or inconsequential.
“I’m sorry I insulted you in front of your friends earlier this year. I’m sorry I tried to dismiss it as nothing important even though I could see in your face I hurt you.”
“I’m sorry I’ve been taking you for granted these last few years. I was wrong to do that.”
“You hurt me when you didn’t invite me to your house along with the rest of the family. Is there something I did?”
You know your gift of honesty is the right gift if you get some knots in your stomach at the prospect of saying the words out loud. That means it is meaningful. That means it may require further discussion. That means it may hurt in the short term. But if it comes from the heart, if it’s delivered with thoughtfulness, compassion and empathy — it will be the greatest and longest-lasting gift you can give.
Avoiding honesty or being outright deceitful will have consequences. As in war, there will be mission failure, injury or death. The failure to mend a fence that will only become more damaged over time. The injury of feelings that if left unchecked will only grow. The death of a relationship.
By all means, give a brand-new Patagonia puffer to your wife. Give a Strafe gift card to your best friend. Take your parents out to dinner at Izakaya. Shower your kids with toys, even the ones they’ll forget 30 seconds after they open them.
But most of all, give the gift of honesty, the greatest and most enduring gift of all.
Merry Christmas and happy holidays!
Errol Doebler is a former Navy SEAL platoon commander, FBI terrorism investigator, and founder of his leadership consulting company, Ice Cold Leader. He can be contacted at Hello@Icecoldleader.com.
Check out Errol’s new book, Ice Cold Leader: Leading From the Inside Out available now via book and audiobook!
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